Today was interesting. But not so.
In photo, we went around town taking pictures, and I actually grew a teeny tiny bit of appreciation for this place, just because it's photogenic. And old. I love old, vintage things!
I would post the pics I took but they were all film! But I think I got some really good ones, and I'm excited. I may actually be starting to re-like photography. I was sick of it for a while, but mostly because alot of stuff was going on and my motivation toward school dropped to below zero. For a while there I thought I was getting better, but then it got worse again, and now it's kinda so-so. I'm not happy, but I just want to make it past everything so I can actually live. This probably sounds selfish, but I want to live how I want to live, no restrictions, no one holding me back.
When I turn 18, I want a tattoo. Just one at first, but MAYBE another later on, or if my kids are born in exotic places, maybe an Angelina Jolie shoulder tattoo thing! I think that's so amazing. But I don't just want to get one to get one, I want a meaningful one, unlike certain people (ex. a kitty saying LET'S PARTY - uhm, no. Child, what are you thinking?!). And I DON'T want a bazillion, no way. I don't want to look trashy. I think I already know what I want though, and it has a special meaning to me, so I don't care what anyone (ma famille) thinks!
I know I want kids. ONE DAY. Not anytime soon. Maybe not even in the next ten years. But lately, I have not been liking little children, AT ALL. I used to love them and always play with them or whatever, no problem, but lately I just have not been wanting to deal with them. They're so naughty! I've taken care of enough little children throughout my near-17 years that I've totally tuned out the idea of marrying young and having kids young - uh uh!!! I feel like I'm constantly taking care of kids, cleaning up messes, and I will never be just a normal housewife. Future husband, you are hella wrong if you think I'm going to wait on you like a slave. I want someone independent who knows how to take care of themselves, and COULD live without me, but of course doesn't want to. (:
I want to go to college in NYC. I know it's expensive, but I'm determined. I need a job, so badly! Especially because of my (hopeful) plans that I want to work, so badly. I just want to feel like I'm part of something big, something real, and I feel like I'm a fictional character in a horribly boring book where I am right now. Or maybe the opposite - I feel like the world around me is only fiction. In New York, I honestly feel incredibly happy, even just walking down the smelly, crowded steps to the rat-filled subways (I know this makes you want to join me!). I feel like I can do anything - it's good for me to be there. I need to be there. I can't imagine my life any other way, somehow.
I want to travel everywhere! I want to settle down in England or Ireland or somewhere in Europe, and when I one day have kids I want to raise them there and let them learn to speak in the cutest little accents! I want to zipline through the Amazon, stand on top of the Tour Eiffel, walk across the great wall of China! I want to learn new languages and cultures, and be a "citizen of the world" (lmao I am corrrnnnyyy!). I just can't see how anyone would want to stay one place their whole lives, ick. I want to meet new & interesting people. Everyone here is really the same in a way.
Hmmmm well this is long and I'm not even sure I typed out of thoughts in a sensible way. SO I'm done for now!
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